finding the beach again...

sometimes the world seems like a big hole. you spend your whole life shouting down it, and all you hear are echoes of some idiot yelling nonsense down a big hole.
-Adam Duritz

i'm halfway done with the a capella version of karma police. only took 6 months, lol. worked on it last night.

after that i was on the phone, first with jess for 10 minutes, then david, then jess again.

jess was upset with me for forgetting bianca's name. i can understand that, it sounded like i didn't even care about what she was telling me. i just forgot her name, that's all; but it really sounded like i just didn't give a care about anything she told me. and i feel bad about that.

i had dinner then.

then i called david. we talked about this summer, and what we wanted to do when i came. poker is a definite, and it looks like i'll be going to band camp for a day or two. i think it's gonna be fun; for a day or two i get to live out my dream of marching as a senior. oh well.

then i called jess again. we talked a lil while, but the conversation still took a turn for the worse by the end. i think we're both kinda upset right now. i don't like when it's like this, cuz i love her and i hate when she's upset. i just wanna know what to do. i don't know. i want her to be happy, no matter what the cost, and sometimes it's pretty high. we'll see how things go. i hope they go well....

i've been trying to zone out the whole time today, i don't really feel like thinking to myself right now, i'd rather be immersed in something. so i've got music playing and i'm surfing the net for nothing. just looking, searching...

This love could be some one

Into love

It could be some one that has been somewhere like them

It could be some like them

Tis one like into where that one has hen like them

Well, it could be be some like them

Those like into where like that into this

This one has been broken like into where

But it could be some that it could be some like into like

into like into

like into where like that.

-Christopher Knowles poetry from 'Einstein on the Beach'

and onto some closure... i've had this entry open since this morning looking for some closure, and i've found it in something that has always meant a lot to me. einstein on beach has to be the most monumental piece of music that has effected my life. and today i found it again. the texts are cryptic, but rhythmical. i can't explain it, but i a connection with this piece. i haven't listened to it since december, probably cuz i over-listened to it when i first got it. i think now i can settle down. man, y'all must think i'm nuts. i'm just restless.

The day with its cares and perplexities is ended and the night is now upon us. The night should be a time of peace and tranquility, a time to relax and be calm. We have need of a soothing story to banish the disturbing thoughts of the day, to set at rest our troubled minds, and put at ease our ruffled spirits.

And what sort of story shall we hear ? Ah, it will be a familiar story, a story that is so very, very old, and yet it is so new. It is the old, old story of love.

Two lovers sat on a park bench with their bodies touching each other, holding hands in the moonlight.

There was silence between them. So profound was theire love for each other, they needed no words to express it. And so they sat in silence, on a park bench, with their bodies touching, holding hands in the moonlight.

Finally she spoke. "Do you love me, John ?" she asked. "You know I love you. darling," he replied. "I love you more than tongue can tell. You are the light of my life. my sun. moon and stars. You are my everything. Without you I have no reason for being."

Again there was silence as the two lovers sat on a park bench, their bodies touching, holding handls in the moonlight. Once more she spoke. "How much do you love me, John ?" she asked. He answered : "How' much do I love you ? Count the stars in the sky. Measure the waters of the oceans with a teaspoon. Number the grains of sand on the sea shore. Impossible, you say. Yes and it is just as impossible for me to say how much I love you.

"My love for you is higher than the heavens, deeper than Hades, and broader than the earth. It has no limits, no bounds. Everything must have an ending except my love for you."

There was more of silence as the two lovers sat on a park bench with their bodies touching, holding hands in the moonlight.

Once more her voice was heard. "Kiss me, John" she implored. And leaning over, he pressed his lips warmly to hers in fervent osculation...

-Mr. Samuel Johnson, Einstein on the Beach

i love you jess

and now the trial is complete...