...and maybe i'm just waiting for the dark

it's been one long day...

but i can't end it yet.

nothing too big happened today.

chem test, think i did well on it.

played piano, so i can get a song down for jess for this weekend.

i'm gonna try a stream of conscience for a few minutes. just type and see what comes of it.

read jenika's blog today...it hurts me to read it...but then again a lot of things hurt...like when i looked at my yearbook...i miss fancpod...i don't have the heart to tell andy yet that i don't think he'll be able to come to germany with me and david this year...i wonder if i'll be in the states for a few weeks this summer...it's hard to decide if i want to be...it depends on if jess and nerissa are gonna be here...i miss the color guard...i'm trying to play 100 years, and it's hard when it breaks your heart to bring up all those memories...easter...cruxifiction and bunnies...bunnies...who the hell associated crosses with bunnies with eggs...we had eggs for dinner... i didn't want to eat, but i didn't want to be rude...oma gave me the salted egg that franzi was sposed to get...she laughed...it tasted bad...the sandwiches i eat for lunch don't taste as great anymore...i don't like that good hope is going to be empty and low next year...i just want to get into a good college so i can study music and computers...but my mom and jeff don't believe i can even do any work...jeff can only say he's disapointed...i think he got that from opa jim...he seems so nice...yet what happened to jeff...wasn't he ever like me....does he even try to understand, or just condemn?

and there you have it

i'm a sadist....lol

i dunno, it's just been one of those days. i want to hold on. there's a slight glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel, and i'm racing towards it.

'and this too shall pass'

ms. connell, where are you when we actually need you?

i wonder if the teachers even notice how hard they hit us when they tell us they're leaving...especially after everything they've done to bond with us.


oh well...welcome back to reality...you've got school tommorrow, and you know you're going to only be thinking of one thing... and you will solve that problem....

i hear it, my song.